Turning Black

What was adolescent depression like? How did school and youth group make it much worse? How to turn abject misery into something rhythmic and melodic. Learning about vintage tube amps, doubled tracks and odd percussion choices.
(Note, although seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is certainly a huge problem at Christmas time because it's December, many mental health professionals do not believe that suicide is actually any more likely during that month than any other. I can simply stand behind the idea that I associate Christmas with loneliness, darkness, cold and socially complicated and upsetting mandatory extroversion work and family situations, and that little else depresses me as profoundly as people pressuring me to be merry and festive and into the music and sweaters if I can't muster that up. Also, the fact that this "Suicide in December" idea is so prevalent makes the Christmas season seem dangerous and fraught.)